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23-Jan-2018 10:58

I felt like I was sort of “upgrading” in a way by moving away from my heritage. Adam and I have been dating for over a year, and I’ve learned that we are very much alike.

I felt proud that I was more white-washed than all my other Asian friends. Although we grew up with some very different traditions (my Chinese/Vietnamese heritage and his Canadian/Jewish heritage), we pretty much went through the same circumstances as Canadian children.

Nor did I know about this first date, second date and third date business.

In France, it’s very common for a girl to go out to dinner with a male friend.

As my boyfriend (who is a white male himself) puts it, “Every white guy wants to have sex with an Asian girl, but not all of them want to date one.” We all know the popular slang term “yellow fever”, which describes a (usually) white male who fetishizes Asian women.

On the other hand, there are also plenty of Asian women who fetishize white guys just as much.

One of the biggest topics in these groups is the WM/AF (White Male/Asian Female) phenomenon.

I’m also noticing a pattern from the women that post about it.

Every time an Asian woman complains that only white guys want to date her and that white guys fetishize Asian women, it usually turns out that she herself has only dated white guys. You can go ahead and say it’s ok for these women to have a preference but what about the guys? Asian women experience a much greater amount of privilege in a white-dominated society than Asian men, specifically lighter-skinned East Asian women. Asian women have been societally influenced to think that white men are more attractive than Asian men because Western media has emasculated Asian men. Asian women just don’t want to admit that they have a white guy fetish so they put the blame on the dudes.

Editor’s Note: Eliza Romero is a Baltimore-based, Filipino-American fashion photographer and style blogger behind the website Aesthetic Distance, a blog critical of pop culture.

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The views expressed in this piece are solely her own.

But I would never do that to my Dad who would be very upset if I did. When I meet a man and I am without my husband, I’ll place within the first minutes of the conversation that “my husband blablabla… That usually is enough to make my state of mind really clear.